People underestimate the value of finding friends with benefits. The benefits of having friends with benefits are so extraordinary that it’s in your best interest to have at least 5 of them from this day forward.
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Whenever I work with leaders, CEOs, university presidents and professors, and catalysts in my coaching I find that many of them do not have any close friends.
They get so energized with their vision, dreams, and goals, they drift through life without very many friends, if any at all. And then they get stuck or, worse, sick. In large part because they’ve neglected friendship.
Our friendship circle not only has a bearing on our well-being, quality of life, health, and happiness, it’s a determinative factor in the success of our vision, dreams, and goals.
If Tom Hanks and Wilson in the movie Castaway taught us anything, it’s that we’re not called to live like hermits. We need friends. All of us.
And not just any kind of friends. There are acquaintance friends, friends with whom you share the same oxygen with due to programs and places. And then there are friends with benefits. Not the friends with benefits who lead to a tangled web of unintended consequences, but rather friends with the kind of benefits who:
- Make you laugh until your belly hurts
- Are good for your soul and expand your emotional range
- Who you can trust with your secrets
- Help you gain clarity and confidence
- Drop everything to support you in times of crisis
- Energize and grow with you
- Celebrate your victories and cry with you in your defeats
- Default tendency is to ask, How can I help?
- Is insanely present in your conversations
- Walks into your messy living room with a judgment-free-zone around them.
- Celebrates what’s important to you
- Connects you with other quality people
Do you have friends like that? If we’re honest, we can develop deep relationships with only so many people in our lives, and if that’s the case, why not develop friends with those kinds of benefits. Mark Twain noted that a person is lucky to have 1-2 great friends in life. I encourage you to aim for at least 5.
Why 5? Because the greatest life hack is – thank you Jim Rohn – you become the average of the 5 people you surround yourself with the most.
It behooves us, then, to be super intentional about our friendships. So many of us drift through life paying more attention to our cars and computers than we do our friendship development.
What will your life feel like when you have 5 friends with the aforementioned kinds of benefits?
Amazing. Energized. Fun. Happy.
So where do you meet friends with these kinds of benefits? How does one get them as friends? The answer: be a friend with those kind of benefits.
Here are a few ways to get you started:
- Care for people like you want them to care for you. Try adding William Penn’s attitude to your life. He expressed, “I expect to pass through life but once. If, therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do for any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.”
- Help others get ahead. A New Testament author, Paul, writes in Philippians 2:3, Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. This doesn’t mean thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. John Holmes said, “It is well to remember that the entire population of the universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.” In helping others getting to the top, don’t feel like you’re getting jipped from getting there. When you have integrity in helping other people, they will naturally want to help you too.
- Similarly, set aside your privileges, titles, status, degrees, and advantages to help others succeed. Nobody likes to be around ostentatious, pompous, prideful people. Everyone loves an authentic, caring servant. Setting those things aside enacts the law of reciprocation. God has hardwired it into the universe that when you help enough people get what they want, they will give you everything you want. Plus it’s just fun to play the role of servant in helping others succeed. Your heart gets full and your smile goes wide.
- Imagine everyone with a sign around their neck that reads, “I’m important, please show me kindness.” You’ll be surprised what happens next.
The next step is to sit back and watch friends with benefits come your way. It’s the benefits of being a friend with benefits.
But it gets even better. Once you begin attracting those friends, your new friendship circle can synergize to take life to a whole new level of awesomesauce living. And as a result, the world will feel a breath of fresh air from your circle of friendship. Here are some ways I’ve discovered to do just that:
Form an accountability friendship circle. Here each member focuses on a topic in which they want accountability.
Create a coaching friendship group. Here the members meet with a Coach who speaks into the individual members lives, to go further, faster.
Make a mastermind friendship circle. This is where one person sits in the middle of the friendship circle and taps into the collective. He or she gets to ask questions, discover new ideas, and learn best practices.
Start a study friendship circle. Here the friends study a book, movie, or worldview. They could meet once a week or month. Sometimes they write a book together.
Subscribe to a Blog friendship circle. Each blog has a tribe of people who share similar passions. They learn from each other and cheer each other on in their pursuits.
Design a deep-spirited friendship circle. These are your BFF people. They love to take adventures together, talk on the phone with one another, and know each other’s life rythyms.
To get friends with these kinds of benefits, you must be a friend with these kinds of benefits. In each encounter you have with another, he or she is describing you with words that denote benefits or something else. If true, what 2 words could begin describing your interaction with people that would make them consider you a friend with extraordinary benefits?
What are your two words? You can now share your answer and this post with friends on: