Comparing Your Life With Others Sucks (+ the top 3 strategies for how to prevent it)

Literally: Comparing your life with others sucks the energy out of you and makes you feel bad. It causes suffering, pain, and envy. And as one wise person once said (King Solomon), “Envy rots the bones.” Yet comparing your life with others is natural. That’s not good because when you compare yourself with people you think are superior to you, it makes you feel bad; while, when you compare yourself with people you think are inferior to you, it makes you feel prideful and, consequently, you don’t maximize your potential because you think you’ve arrived.  So how do we get out of this comparison game?

photocontribution:ellre

Because comparison comes so natural to all of us, it will always be with us to some degree. But here are three ways to help minimize it to such a degree that it no longer controls your emotional state and sabotages your ability to live a fulfilling life.

1. Your race is your race.

There are many areas of life: time, $$, romance, health, family, hobbies, work, and education. In each of these areas you run your race.

The goal is to grow, enjoy, and live with passion and love in each area. Ultimately, you want to maximize your own potential in each area.

You are not running your dad’s race. You’re not running your mom’s race. You’re not running your 6th grade teacher’s race. You’re not running your colleague’s race. You’re not running your neighbor’s race. You’re not running the race of the family that lives in the mansion. Your not running the homeless guy’s race.

You’re running your race. You’re maximizing your potential.

Some people were born with a silver spoon in their mouths. Some look at those people and say, “Wow, they were born on third base, that’s not fair.” Not me, I think it’s a disadvantage because they don’t have to overcome, push through, and refine their character in ways they would otherwise get to. But I don’t judge them for that. I’m responsible for my own race.

Others have good healthy genetics, some don’t. Other’s were born with loving parents, some were sexually abused. Others have a wonderful romantic life, some live with relational brokenness.

The point: you are running your own race and will never be held accountable for anyone else’s race. So there’s no since in comparing your life with others. Everyone is born in different ways, under different circumstances. You can cheer others on, get inspired by them, and serve them – but never compare your life with them. When you remember that it’s about maximize your own potential – and that because nobody has the same set of life circumstances as you, thus comparison isn’t even logically legit – you get out of the comparison game.

2. Don’t be an “If Only” person

We all fall into this trap at times. “If only” I had that job. “If only” had those parents. “If only” I had a million dollars. “If only” my spouse was kinder. “If only…”

  • Then I could follow my dream.
  • Then I would be happy.
  • Then I would give more.

When we start the “If only…then,” we are saying it’s someone else’s fault. Maybe we blame God: “God, if only you would’ve put me in that family. If only you would’ve answered my prayers. If only you would’ve given me wealth.”

Or maybe we blame our bosses, clients, or family. It doesn’t matter who we blame because once we blame, we disempower our lives – which keeps us from thinking 10x thoughts and taking massive action toward what we want in life.

Remedy: Take 100% responsibility for everything you can. This will empower you. Instead of saying, “If only, then” start saying, “I’m grateful, now let’s get to it.”

 

3. Get Perspective

Perspective means you only see a slice of reality. So when you compare yourself with someone you think is superior to you in some way, what you’re really doing is comparing your behind the scenes junk and emotional uncertainty with their highlight reels and public smiles.

You and I don’t know the full version of other peoples lives. And if we did, we’d probably have great empathy for them. They, too, have emotional uncertainty about life. They, too, argue with their spouse. They, too, have deep rooted fears. They, too, are scared.

Same with people you perceive to be inferior to you in some way. I once met a homeless man who had been a millionaire just 3 months earlier but because of some horrible unjust circumstances, he was on the street trying to rebuild his life. You never know.

And others think of you as a person full of highlight reels. If you’re reading this, you live in the top 2% of the world, economically speaking. So if you carry around emotional uncertainty and behind the scenes junk, don’t you think the people you consider full of highlight reels do too?

Here are some quick ways to gain perspective: perspective strategies that move your life forward.

 

4. BONUS Strategy (for those who believe in God): Measure your life by how God measures you.

He loves you unconditionally, is always satisfied with you, and is never done with growing you. As Lewis said, “If God can be satisfied with his work (you), then you can be satisfied with his work.”

Comparison doesn’t help, not even for you high achievers. You either feel terrible or get a little complacent. You don’t have to compare your life with others to achieve greatness. Go get the life you want, and instead of achieving because you think that’ll make you happy, happily achieve through all the tugs and joys of life.

Instead of comparing your life with others and saying, “They are skinnier, richer, nicer, better, inferior, superior, smarter…” work your way out of the comparison game. Life’s too short not to live your own life. Comparison is debilitating, depressing, and exhausting. Follow the above strategies to get off the treadmill of comparison.

Much love,

aaron

The Quickest and Most Effective Strategy (New) To Increase Your Energy Levels

Great energy leads to a greater family life, profitable productivity, and a far more fulfilling life in the major life categories of friendships, money, family, growth/spirituality, romance, and work.  Lack of energy sucks – literally – the life out of you. The strategy I will give you now is the most effective and easiest way to increase your overall energy and zest for life. Simply put: Dominate your transitions.

photocontribution=gustavofrazao

Transitions make up much of your day-to-day routine, so let’s take one categorical example: your transitions at home.

  • You pull into the garage after work and are about to walk in the front door. That’s a transition.
  • You’re doing some housework/office work and your kids call. You’re about to make a transition.
  • You go from eating dinner to talking to your spouse: transition.
  • You watch a movie, now you need to pay the bills: transition.

And so on.

Without a strategy for your transitions, you’ll deplete your energy levels and this will also affect all those around you. You’ll carry negative energy from work to walking in the front door. You’ll go from housework/office-work to greeting your kids without a full appreciation of their presence. But with the right strategy, you’ll gain a tremendous amount of energy and presence for life.

Here’s the strategy and I encourage you to experiment with it:

DELETE PRESSURE, DECIDE PURPOSE

Whenever you’re about to transition… delete pressure, decide purpose. Here’s how:

  1. Close your eyes for one minute and repeat the word delete over and over. Command your body to delete all the pressure you feel from the previous activity – even if it was watching T.V. your body builds up pressure. In conversations and tasks, we build up pressure in our physical form and mental thoughts. Delete the pressure from your jaw, head, shoulders, and so on. Keep repeating the word delete for that one minute. You don’t want to carry it to the next activity.
  2. When some – or all (that would be nice!) – of the built up pressure is gone, DECIDE PURPOSE.
    1. Ask, what kind of emotion and energy do I want to feel and bring to this next conversation/task.
    2. When I’m in the conversation/task, what do I want to feel like? What do I want others to feel?

Then move to said next activity. You’ll live with faaar more purpose this way. And I’ll bet the farm that your marriage will immediately improve, conversations with your kids and neighbors will be much more enjoyable, and you’re overall well-being will increase in fast and significant ways that matter most to you.

Because you’ll have more purposeful energy and presence.

There are other ways to boost your energy levels like when I wrote The little known secret to mastering your life and doing so with extra energy and outlined the steps How to have great energy all day long that you should check out because they will help you.

The quickest way (and maybe most effective way) to increase your energy is to dominate your transitions via delete pressure – decide purpose in every single transition.

It only takes a minute or two and you’ll find substantial changes for the betterment of your life and those around you. You’ll feel happier, almost like your living a brand new life.

Much love,

aaron

P.S. Want personalized Coaching with me? Go here to start your free assessment: I Want To Experience My Best Year Ever

 

The Top 2 Mindsets That Lead To Greater Influence

Whenever you want to influence others to action – go on a date, buy your product, get your kid out of bed on time! – you’ll want to have a great presence about you.

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Because people are most influence by people with great presence more than they are by words.

That’s why I sent you 3 ways to have great mojo. Put them into practice and you’ll see improved life results.

Here are the top 2 mindsets – and mindsets create your presence — that lead to greater influence and getting more out of life…

#2: HAVE A KIND CURIOSITY ABOUT OTHERS

When people with great mojo are talking with you, they see things from your point of view., and that’s what you’ll want to do with others  Henry Ford said, “If there is any one secret of success it’s the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle.”

Approach others with a kind and curious mindset. Wonder what its like to be them today. Ask people how they’re day is going, then really listen. Be fully present so that the other person can feel it.

A helpful way to put this magnetic mindset into practice is to try what Emerson believed. He said, “Every person I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”  So when you approach others, ask yourself:

  • What can I learn from this person today?
  • What is it like to be her today?
  • He teaches in school, what is that like?
  • What does she really care about today?

Here’s what people with great mojo have learned: the secret to being interesting is to be interested. When you show interest in them, they’ll find you interesting.

Someone once said, “I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

When you have a magnetic mindset, you’ll generate a magnetic presence about you that people will like so much that they’ll want to buy from you, fall in love with you, and be your lifetime friend.

Now to the #1 Magnetic Mindset to influence others in positive and impactful ways…

#1 BE AGREEABLE

People with magnetic mindsets say things like, “I agree with you” and “I’m totally with you on that.”

We live in a hyper judgmental world, but people with great mojo know that God himself hasn’t even started judging people so why should they?

Instead of quietly sizing you up, people with this magnetic mindset agree with your point of view. Even if to them you sound like you’ve lost your marbles, they know the only way they can build a solid relationship with you is on agreement.

In today’s world, people seem to prefer being right over building great relationships and this is insane because you don’t even know if you are absolutely right. Things change all the time and new information constantly surfaces on topics you thought you had all figured out. Meanwhile, we sabotage relationships in our pursuit of being right – we justify, defend ourselves, and put others down to prop ourselves u0, all of which is bad presence and leads to not getting ahead in life.

People with great mojo do not use agreeing with others as a form of manipulation, but rather as simply thinking ‘that’s their point of view, which everyone has one, and it’s just how they see the world at this particular time and I’m going to agree that they have a point of view on this topic because my relationship with them is more important than our very small perspective on this topic.’

They may banter and tease you about your point of view – as all good friends do – but they know that to have good mojo, they must build the relationship on agreement.

So they don’t try to manage the mindsets of others. Instead, they’ll see the raw material that makes you YOU and treat you like your perspective matters.

Criticism and judgment never help anyway. Rarely does anyone ever criticize themselves, no matter how wrong they are. So they sure aren’t going to accept your criticism peacefully. Criticism puts people on the defensive, and they’ll respond in kind as they defend themselves because the criticism wounds their pride and arouses resentment. When you disagree with someone, they’ll disagree with you. When you criticize someone, they’ll criticize you. See the great book How to Win Friends and Influence People for a deep dive on this.

Abraham Lincoln was called one of the most perfect rulers ever by his general, and yet in his early days as a lawyer Lincoln blasted people publicly time and time again. One time he wrote an anonymous letter to the newspaper blasting and ridiculing a politician. Everyone in town raved and laughed. The politician found out who it was, jumped on his horse to find Lincoln, banged on his house door – yelling for him to come out, and challenged Lincoln to a dual. Lincoln was no fist fighter, and wanted no part of it, so the politician gave him his choice of weapons and time to train, which Lincoln did. On the day of the sword fight, they agreed to dual unto death, when their wives stepped in to stop the insanity.

Lincoln learned an invaluable lesson that day: never criticize another person, even when you don’t agree with them. He’d later say of the South, “Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”

So do you need to approach your boss? Talk to your coach? Do you want to ask the girl out for a drink? Want to make lots of sales? Are you wanting to make a new friend in a crowded room?

Use these magnetic mindsets until they become second nature and you’ll develop such a great presence that you’ll get the girl, make the friend, receive your promotion, make the sale and much, much more.

 

Much love,

aaron

The 5 Magnetic Mindsets To Have Great Mojo

Aaron's strategy of the week

You ever notice how some people have a great presence about them? You feel good around them, want to do business with them, fall in love with them, and want to be their friend. Some call this “presence” about people “mojo.”  You aren’t born with great mojo, you develop it – and there are 5 magnetic mindsets to get this great mojo.

In this strategy of the week I will show #5 . Apply it and you’ll find more people who want to be around you, do business with you, fall in love with you, promote you, and want to be your friend.

When people talk about mojo, sometimes they say you need to have the following:

  • Great body language
  • Make eye contact
  • Give firm handshakes.

And while all that has it’s place, the most important component of great mojo is your mindset – because mindset creates your energy and your energy is what people “sense” when they are around you.

Your mindset leads to everything else.  Get the mindset right and then the eye contact, handshakes, and body language will take care of itself.

Physicists tell us life is all energy.

  • Your body is energy
  • The kitchen table is energy
  • Your car is all composed of energy
  • The trees outside: energy

Life is all made up of energy. This is very important because your energy comes from your mindset and that leads to what kind of mojo you have and how others feel about you.

You feel the way you do around people because of the energy they bring to the room. Some bring negative energy and we say “they sure are grumpy today.”  We’ve all been in a grumpy mood. Other’s bring good energy to the room and we say, “Wow, what is it about them that I like?” They’re buoyant and enjoyable. The answer: it’s their energy, and the good news is they’re not born with great mojo. They generated it with their mindset and you can too.

We all have a range of emotions – and when you walk into a room, people feelsomething.  The question is: What do you want them to feel about you? Here’s #5 of the 5 magnetic mindsets to make them feel great about you because of your great mojo:

#5  EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY
Always have the mindset that everything is going to be okay because that creates an energy that people want to be around.

Here’s what most people think about: What if? When they see the girl across the room they want to talk to, when they want to ask the boss for a promotion, and when they find themselves in a crowded room looking to network, they get caught up in a mental loop of “What if…?”

  • What if I go over to her and bumble, stumble, and mumble – and she makes fun of me, and I get embarrassed, and my whole world comes crashing down!
  • What if I go ask the boss for a promotion and she fires me on the spot?
  • What if I talk to the guy over there and he rejects me?

Your brain – because it’s survival software – automatically fires up the worst-case scenarios and this is natural for everybody.

People with magnetic mindsets that lead to great mojo, however, have trained their brains to feel secure about their life.  They have confidence and a gravitas about them. They like being in their own skin – and others like being around them because of it.

As Oscar Wild says, “You might as well like yourself because everyone else is already taken.” And there’s no greater impediment to getting along well with other people than being ill at ease with yourself. When you are true to yourself and at ease, it will put others at ease and they’ll feel good around you.

People with magnetic mindsets and great mojo always remember that everything’s going to be okay no matter what’s going on around them.

Want more? Fill out the exclusive application to your best year ever – every year with personalized Champions Coaching here: Who Could You Be With A Champions Coach? Work with me and I guarantee you your best year ever — every year — or it’s free. It’s never about what it cost if you do, but what it will cost your life if you don’t

 

Much Love,

aaron